Comments on: Video Game Review Saw http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/ Online Video Game Rentals - Where to Get Your Video Games Rental Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:32:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2 By: Biaa_Felyx http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/comment-page-1/#comment-1482 Biaa_Felyx Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:17:27 +0000 http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/#comment-1482 ttava jogano video game ttava jogano video game

]]> By: Chasmira1060 http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/comment-page-1/#comment-1319 Chasmira1060 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 11:30:36 +0000 http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/#comment-1319 Well, unfortunately, I have to get ready for work, so I only read about half of this. But I will still say it is a good start. I like how you draw the reader right in, putting us right into the story. Your language shows the main character's personality, placing us inside Jessica's head. We see the father's character too, learning some background about him and Jessica's mother. I would only suggest a bit of formatting and grammar fixes. For example, this story is currently made of one HUGE paragraph! Try to break it up. Whenever you're talking about a new subject, you should start a new para. You also need a new para whenever a different person is speaking. Like this: “Come on Jessica, it’s time to go to school.” Ugh, school. I got out of the desk chair I accidentally slept in from exhausting homework. I got my bag, the one my friend, Alyssa, gave to me many years ago for my birthday. Yes, it’s really old and it still has a big stain from when she accidentally spilled the fruit punch all over, but it’s usable. So I grabbed the bag and said bye to my dad. “Bye Dad.” He was studying something on the computer. “Bye sweetie, good luck on your G.O.A.T. test! Remember, don’t cheat!” You don't have to break it up exactly this way if you don't want, this is just a start. I also noticed a few places where a period or comma went missing, but a thorough read-through should catch these. Also, a couple places where you state something redundant. Like in the line above: So I grabbed the bag and said bye to my dad. “Bye Dad.” Pick one of the "bye dads", not both are needed. But overall, a very good start; keep working on it! Well, unfortunately, I have to get ready for work, so I only read about half of this. But I will still say it is a good start. I like how you draw the reader right in, putting us right into the story. Your language shows the main character's personality, placing us inside Jessica's head. We see the father's character too, learning some background about him and Jessica's mother. I would only suggest a bit of formatting and grammar fixes. For example, this story is currently made of one HUGE paragraph! Try to break it up. Whenever you're talking about a new subject, you should start a new para. You also need a new para whenever a different person is speaking. Like this:

“Come on Jessica, it’s time to go to school.”

Ugh, school. I got out of the desk chair I accidentally slept in from exhausting homework. I got my bag, the one my friend, Alyssa, gave to me many years ago for my birthday. Yes, it’s really old and it still has a big stain from when she accidentally spilled the fruit punch all over, but it’s usable.

So I grabbed the bag and said bye to my dad. “Bye Dad.” He was studying something on the computer.

“Bye sweetie, good luck on your G.O.A.T. test! Remember, don’t cheat!”

You don't have to break it up exactly this way if you don't want, this is just a start. I also noticed a few places where a period or comma went missing, but a thorough read-through should catch these. Also, a couple places where you state something redundant. Like in the line above:

So I grabbed the bag and said bye to my dad. “Bye Dad.”

Pick one of the "bye dads", not both are needed.

But overall, a very good start; keep working on it!

]]> By: somerto1 http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/comment-page-1/#comment-334 somerto1 Wed, 15 Sep 2010 22:45:40 +0000 http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/#comment-334 I don't think you understand what copyright is wings. I don't think you understand what copyright is wings.

]]> By: kuppers http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/comment-page-1/#comment-190 kuppers Sat, 11 Sep 2010 21:53:12 +0000 http://www.weekofgeek.com/video-game-review-saw-3/#comment-190 Yeah it's amazing how a bunch of anonymous people pumped up on a video game will have no problem mouthing off at the minority in the group. Or wait, was this supposed imply that women would never do that, and this is what it would be like if they did? Yeah it’s amazing how a bunch of anonymous people pumped up on a video game will have no problem mouthing off at the minority in the group. Or wait, was this supposed imply that women would never do that, and this is what it would be like if they did?

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